Ask people what is success and they come up with all kind of things. Frequently, I hear people say that success is to have a great and rewarding career, a house, a car, beautiful and smart children, a wife, education and so on.
Is this really success? What will you think when you are 65 or 75 and summarise your life. Oh - my life was successful, because I drove 5 different car models, one better than the other, because my career was very rewarding, I have a beautiful wife, and so on?
What is success? It is not easily defined if you define it apart from possessions that you own. Try it!
"For the Malay female, success apparently is to have children. "In the nationwide study among 1,000 women aged 15 to 67 years, 96% said having children was the biggest success indicator."
It also seems that the females are in a conflict. "Malay women in the country faced a conflict between career and family. 'They want to be assertive and successful but, at the same time, there are cultural constraints. They feel if they’re doing too much or being too aggressive, their feminine side will be lost."
How do you feel about this? Reading those findings, there are always questions on mind:
- First, where is the conflict? Is it possible to do both?
- What is the connection between assertive and succussful? Can you be assertive without being successful? Successful and not assertive?
- How do you define cultural constraints? Are there any differences between culture in KL, Penang, Pahang or East Malaysia, for example? Between the races?
- How do you define "femine side" and why should it be lost when you go for a career? Not every women needs to develop into a Marget Thatcher, just because she starts to work - there are plenty of women around me at my workplace and they seem pretty okay.
Whatever the findings it is a clear sign that the Malaysian society is undergoing change. Change is often about being "torn apart" between more "traditional values" and "modern aspirations". As such, I welcome the discussions that currently take place in Malaysia. Only that it is necessary to take care in forming associations between different values, and behaviour that don't necessarily go with each other.
But try it as an exercise on your own. Who are you? Think, what success means to you and how do you define your life, your identity and your legacy.
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
No shortcut to coaching
There was a recent article today in the New Straits Times (Malaysian newspaper) that contains some misconceptions about Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP.
It says (and I have to write from the article, since I couldn't find the link in the NST):
"(...) Similarily (the article first talks about training and its disadvantage in coaching: my comment) there are also some neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioners who also feel the same way about becoming automatic coaches too because of their knowledge in NLP.
Undoubtedly, coaching uses NLP, but as one of its many other tools. In other words, coaching is not the other name for NLP. Why? Coaching has a structured model and a coaching process that takes a client from start to finish. On the other hand, NLP is not structured on a continuum like coaching. To me, it is only a collection of tools that an NLP practitioner uses in various situations.
Besides NLP, coaching also uses tools like strategic planning, benchmarking, shadowing coaching, assessment tests etc.
Coaching is holistic so it needs a wide assortment of tools instead of one. This is also to substantiate why coaching is more powerful than many intervention methods."
There is a positive intention in the article of the writer. He surely has the best of his clients at heart.
But, he got the part on NLP totally wrong.
NLP is about helping coachees to identify the resources or strength, the solutions within them - this is inherit in the presupposition in NLP that "the map is not the territory". It means that every individual is different and only through precision questions (in NLP these are called Meta-Questions) can the map of the coachee be discovered.
NLP is about setting goals. In fact it is very much about finding out where one person or one business is in the moment or present and where he, she or the business wants to go. How to do coaching without this question? What is your goal is another important part of NLP. Without this, how do I know where my client wants to go?
It is here, where the continuum of NLP coaching comes in - the development of a plan for a client to move on from here to there and then to identify the possible interventions that exist in NLP and use those throughout the coaching process.
And this makes it clear that NLP is extremely useful in strategic planning, for benchmarking and, of course, shadow coaching. I also use assessment tools in my coaching program.
However, it is the power of NLP to also be helpful with short interventions - to help someone overcoming the Peter's Principle, create confidence in coachees, help them overcoming procrastination, depression, doubt, guilt or whatever.
So it is the power of NLP that helps with short term interventions and long term interventions. Short term interventions for those who simply want or need to overcome limiting beliefs (I cannot present, or, I never manage this interview, how to get motivated, confident, what is my career direction).
Long term interventions on how to move a company into the right direction - strategic planning, communication issues, promotions, motivation and empowerment or a CEO who needs a sounding board and to find the right direction (if I may say so!).
The challenge of a coach is to identify which is better - a short one or a long one.
I am not here to make money of my clients because they have better things to do after my intervention. They want to use their newly developed skills at the earliest! So naturally, I want to bring out all the resources of a client in the shortest time possible - and in a way that it lasts a lifetime.
Of course, I charge for my services - who wouldn't ? - but it is my goal to create satisfied and happy clients who find their purpose in life and business. The faster the better! If they get rid of me, they might even promote my service to their friends? And that is the best for a coach as well - referals.
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
It says (and I have to write from the article, since I couldn't find the link in the NST):
"(...) Similarily (the article first talks about training and its disadvantage in coaching: my comment) there are also some neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioners who also feel the same way about becoming automatic coaches too because of their knowledge in NLP.
Undoubtedly, coaching uses NLP, but as one of its many other tools. In other words, coaching is not the other name for NLP. Why? Coaching has a structured model and a coaching process that takes a client from start to finish. On the other hand, NLP is not structured on a continuum like coaching. To me, it is only a collection of tools that an NLP practitioner uses in various situations.
Besides NLP, coaching also uses tools like strategic planning, benchmarking, shadowing coaching, assessment tests etc.
Coaching is holistic so it needs a wide assortment of tools instead of one. This is also to substantiate why coaching is more powerful than many intervention methods."
There is a positive intention in the article of the writer. He surely has the best of his clients at heart.
But, he got the part on NLP totally wrong.
NLP is about helping coachees to identify the resources or strength, the solutions within them - this is inherit in the presupposition in NLP that "the map is not the territory". It means that every individual is different and only through precision questions (in NLP these are called Meta-Questions) can the map of the coachee be discovered.
NLP is about setting goals. In fact it is very much about finding out where one person or one business is in the moment or present and where he, she or the business wants to go. How to do coaching without this question? What is your goal is another important part of NLP. Without this, how do I know where my client wants to go?
It is here, where the continuum of NLP coaching comes in - the development of a plan for a client to move on from here to there and then to identify the possible interventions that exist in NLP and use those throughout the coaching process.
And this makes it clear that NLP is extremely useful in strategic planning, for benchmarking and, of course, shadow coaching. I also use assessment tools in my coaching program.
However, it is the power of NLP to also be helpful with short interventions - to help someone overcoming the Peter's Principle, create confidence in coachees, help them overcoming procrastination, depression, doubt, guilt or whatever.
So it is the power of NLP that helps with short term interventions and long term interventions. Short term interventions for those who simply want or need to overcome limiting beliefs (I cannot present, or, I never manage this interview, how to get motivated, confident, what is my career direction).
Long term interventions on how to move a company into the right direction - strategic planning, communication issues, promotions, motivation and empowerment or a CEO who needs a sounding board and to find the right direction (if I may say so!).
The challenge of a coach is to identify which is better - a short one or a long one.
I am not here to make money of my clients because they have better things to do after my intervention. They want to use their newly developed skills at the earliest! So naturally, I want to bring out all the resources of a client in the shortest time possible - and in a way that it lasts a lifetime.
Of course, I charge for my services - who wouldn't ? - but it is my goal to create satisfied and happy clients who find their purpose in life and business. The faster the better! If they get rid of me, they might even promote my service to their friends? And that is the best for a coach as well - referals.
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Hypnosis Helps Some Students Improve Test Scores
This is interesting news for those who struggle to meet their challenges in school, college or university. How often do I read in student's blog that they struggle to study, no time, too much to do etc.
Sure, there is a lot to learn but what if there is a magic pill? Or in this case, what would you do if you would know that hypnosis can actually help in getting better grades and test scores?
Ahhhh - curious?
How do we feel when we study? I remember from my time in uni, that as closer I got to the tests or examinations, the more nervous and anxious I became. I would check the books for correct answer every two minutes or so. Close it - try to remember, need to confirm, gosh, I was so paranoid myself, looking back.
What I realised - my method - was that I learnt better when I went to sleep shortly after studying. the subconscious mind learns best when we sleep.
The article linked here outlines beautifully the success that hypnosis can bring to study tests, by describing the case of one boy called Alex.
"I used to be afraid of tests, but now I tell myself there is not a problem anymore 'cause it's nothing to worry about," Alex said." His parents agree and say that they see a noticable difference in their son and his grades.
Clearly, if you are open to it, hypnosis can show results right away.
What holds you back?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Sure, there is a lot to learn but what if there is a magic pill? Or in this case, what would you do if you would know that hypnosis can actually help in getting better grades and test scores?
Ahhhh - curious?
How do we feel when we study? I remember from my time in uni, that as closer I got to the tests or examinations, the more nervous and anxious I became. I would check the books for correct answer every two minutes or so. Close it - try to remember, need to confirm, gosh, I was so paranoid myself, looking back.
What I realised - my method - was that I learnt better when I went to sleep shortly after studying. the subconscious mind learns best when we sleep.
The article linked here outlines beautifully the success that hypnosis can bring to study tests, by describing the case of one boy called Alex.
"I used to be afraid of tests, but now I tell myself there is not a problem anymore 'cause it's nothing to worry about," Alex said." His parents agree and say that they see a noticable difference in their son and his grades.
Clearly, if you are open to it, hypnosis can show results right away.
What holds you back?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Saturday, March 11, 2006
A counsellor and the unmarried Malaysian women
I don't get it.
I am talking about the survey of yesterday's New Sunday Times that stated that 80% of the Malaysian women only want to marry after 30 years of age.
I am not here to discuss the main reasons mentioned by the women as stated in the newspaper: "A lack of sexual desire, career priorities, infertility and a search for rich husbands." This is up to them.
I cannot comprehend how licensed counsellors from Universiti Malaya can provide the following comments for the data:
- Women are not interested in marrying is because there is a lack of "men of quality" in the country. Many men now are involved in drugs and are gay or soft.
My comment: Huh? What kind of argument is that? How can someone provide counselling service with such attitude?
- Women lack sexual desire because they are very tired after work and are too preoccupied with their careers development and prefer to pursue educational. By the time they want to get married there are very few available single professional men. To help, men should be allowed to marry more than one woman.
My comment: This implies that men don't care for their career and their professional education, and thus want to get married earlier. Or, that men are faster in their development.
Both are shallow reasons - I don't agree. And to marry more than one woman doesn't sound very progressive to me. (and don't argue for it as it is based on Islamic teachings. There are very strict rules around this possibility and not many can meet these.)
- Men don't want to marry those women due to the women's demands. They don't need to get married as there are many unmarried women around who they can hook up with as it is common in urban societies for couples to practise free sex without the strictures and morality of marriage.
My comment: No comment. My goodness. Shall I pity the men?
This survey might be interesting in its finding but the reasons and solutions provided are shallow at the best.
Would I want to get counselled by someone like this? A counsellor, according to my opinion (but THAT is my opinion), needs to be free of judgements, question a lot, and don't come up with extremely generalised and bias statements.
All my opionion, of course, but it was too much for me to hold back.
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
I am talking about the survey of yesterday's New Sunday Times that stated that 80% of the Malaysian women only want to marry after 30 years of age.
I am not here to discuss the main reasons mentioned by the women as stated in the newspaper: "A lack of sexual desire, career priorities, infertility and a search for rich husbands." This is up to them.
I cannot comprehend how licensed counsellors from Universiti Malaya can provide the following comments for the data:
- Women are not interested in marrying is because there is a lack of "men of quality" in the country. Many men now are involved in drugs and are gay or soft.
My comment: Huh? What kind of argument is that? How can someone provide counselling service with such attitude?
- Women lack sexual desire because they are very tired after work and are too preoccupied with their careers development and prefer to pursue educational. By the time they want to get married there are very few available single professional men. To help, men should be allowed to marry more than one woman.
My comment: This implies that men don't care for their career and their professional education, and thus want to get married earlier. Or, that men are faster in their development.
Both are shallow reasons - I don't agree. And to marry more than one woman doesn't sound very progressive to me. (and don't argue for it as it is based on Islamic teachings. There are very strict rules around this possibility and not many can meet these.)
- Men don't want to marry those women due to the women's demands. They don't need to get married as there are many unmarried women around who they can hook up with as it is common in urban societies for couples to practise free sex without the strictures and morality of marriage.
My comment: No comment. My goodness. Shall I pity the men?
This survey might be interesting in its finding but the reasons and solutions provided are shallow at the best.
Would I want to get counselled by someone like this? A counsellor, according to my opinion (but THAT is my opinion), needs to be free of judgements, question a lot, and don't come up with extremely generalised and bias statements.
All my opionion, of course, but it was too much for me to hold back.
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Monday, March 06, 2006
Hypnotherapy and menopause
Do you know that hypnotherapy helps to reduce the hot flashes during menopause? The article linked here describes the story of a woman who had cancer and plunged into menopause after the doctors removed her ovary.
Aged only 38, "she would become unbearably hot and drenched in sweat almost twice an hour, though her co-workers would complain of being cold. Her heart would palpitate, and she would feel anxious. At night, she’d wake up soaked and then have trouble falling asleep again."
Recently began trying hypnosis to treat her symptoms, and she said it is working.
In the US "more hypnotherapists are treating women for menopause symptoms as women have become increasingly dissatisfied with traditional treatment options, such as hormone replacement therapy."
Something to think about, right?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Aged only 38, "she would become unbearably hot and drenched in sweat almost twice an hour, though her co-workers would complain of being cold. Her heart would palpitate, and she would feel anxious. At night, she’d wake up soaked and then have trouble falling asleep again."
Recently began trying hypnosis to treat her symptoms, and she said it is working.
In the US "more hypnotherapists are treating women for menopause symptoms as women have become increasingly dissatisfied with traditional treatment options, such as hormone replacement therapy."
Something to think about, right?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Fuel price increase and constant change
It sucks and of course it sucks. The fuel price went up by 30 Malaysian cents. It is argued that it is still cheap compared to other countries, in the region and across the world.
But does it really matter?
Imagine I am the taxi driver who is working 18-20 hours a day already to meet my needs and feed my family - does it really matter to me that my colleagues in Singapore have to pay more? I am not driving taxi there, I am here, it affects me here, in Malaysia.
Or the household that is struggling to send 1, 2, 3, or 4 kids to school by car. Does it really matter to them that the fuel price is cheaper here compared to the UK, or Germany? It affects me here to bring my children to school by car, since there is no public transport. I am not bringing them to school in the UK but if the price increase continues, I am also not able to send my children to university in the UK or even in Malaysia.
Change happens and sometimes it sucks. Suddenly, the ground on which we stand slips, is taken away. Gone is the comfort.
Just when we adjusted to the most recent price increase and could start speeding on the road again, letting engine run and run and run while waiting for someone somewhere. We will get used to this price increase as well, as usual.
Still, it sucks.
It sucks because we were not prepared, even so the government gave enough warning signals, and even so we knew that the oil price per barrel is damn high.
We always hope that the storm passes by and we stay unharmed. It happens elsewhere, not here, not with me.
Prices increase and they always hit us painfully and it won't stop.
We read it in the newspapers, we read it on blogs, or study it in the bookshops on newly released editions of management books - change is the only constant.
The environment is oftentimes the first to change and then we struggle to adjust to the changes. We are forced to adjust our behaviours because we have no other choice. It would have been easier to adjust our behaviour first - what about fuel saving, car pooling, or many other tips, like stopping to smoke - and then, it would have been so much easier to adjust to the environment.
But who is teaching us to adjust our behaviours? Or, even better, our capabilities, because it now is requred that we learn new capabilities to help us create new behaviours to cope with a new environment.
The government is trying to educate us, of course, but then, what we read in the papers is so far removed from us, that we are not concerned. Until it happens. And we have to live throught the pain. Until we adjust again - till the next price increase. It will come, I tell you. Don't fall back and be comfortable. Get ready now and adjust early.
Argh - it simply sucks, does it not?
(NLP in Asia)
(AlwaysWoW Sdn Bhd.)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
But does it really matter?
Imagine I am the taxi driver who is working 18-20 hours a day already to meet my needs and feed my family - does it really matter to me that my colleagues in Singapore have to pay more? I am not driving taxi there, I am here, it affects me here, in Malaysia.
Or the household that is struggling to send 1, 2, 3, or 4 kids to school by car. Does it really matter to them that the fuel price is cheaper here compared to the UK, or Germany? It affects me here to bring my children to school by car, since there is no public transport. I am not bringing them to school in the UK but if the price increase continues, I am also not able to send my children to university in the UK or even in Malaysia.
Change happens and sometimes it sucks. Suddenly, the ground on which we stand slips, is taken away. Gone is the comfort.
Just when we adjusted to the most recent price increase and could start speeding on the road again, letting engine run and run and run while waiting for someone somewhere. We will get used to this price increase as well, as usual.
Still, it sucks.
It sucks because we were not prepared, even so the government gave enough warning signals, and even so we knew that the oil price per barrel is damn high.
We always hope that the storm passes by and we stay unharmed. It happens elsewhere, not here, not with me.
Prices increase and they always hit us painfully and it won't stop.
We read it in the newspapers, we read it on blogs, or study it in the bookshops on newly released editions of management books - change is the only constant.
The environment is oftentimes the first to change and then we struggle to adjust to the changes. We are forced to adjust our behaviours because we have no other choice. It would have been easier to adjust our behaviour first - what about fuel saving, car pooling, or many other tips, like stopping to smoke - and then, it would have been so much easier to adjust to the environment.
But who is teaching us to adjust our behaviours? Or, even better, our capabilities, because it now is requred that we learn new capabilities to help us create new behaviours to cope with a new environment.
The government is trying to educate us, of course, but then, what we read in the papers is so far removed from us, that we are not concerned. Until it happens. And we have to live throught the pain. Until we adjust again - till the next price increase. It will come, I tell you. Don't fall back and be comfortable. Get ready now and adjust early.
Argh - it simply sucks, does it not?
(NLP in Asia)
(AlwaysWoW Sdn Bhd.)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Standing out - resume posted online
What do you do when you are out of college, university, school and have nothing to do but looking for a job? You can go to JobsDB or the one that calls itself the fastest growing job-search website in Malaysia.
How much creativity do you have as a job searcher? Not much. Space is limited to a templated version, and creativity is restricted to a few boxes that allow you to describe yourself in a few words. Better than nothing, but hardly the stuff that makes you stand out.
Jeff has done something different - he created a website. Not a flash presentation as recently done by Alexandre, whose resume circulated through the Internet last year.
And sure, Jeff's English is bad, but then, it is not about the writing style. It is about standing out, trying something different, WoWing potential companies, being proactive, showing creativity, go beyond just a blog created for free in Blogspot or Wordpress (even so this is something as well!).
But then again, this is Jeff's style. He knows what he wants and he is striving to get it. Using the web is one way. I wonder if he has a personal goal plan and what other initiatives has he outlined.
So, what have you tried today to be different?
Are you reactive or proactive? Just waiting for next weekend's recruitment section in the New Straits Times or actively searching out opportunities?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
How much creativity do you have as a job searcher? Not much. Space is limited to a templated version, and creativity is restricted to a few boxes that allow you to describe yourself in a few words. Better than nothing, but hardly the stuff that makes you stand out.
Jeff has done something different - he created a website. Not a flash presentation as recently done by Alexandre, whose resume circulated through the Internet last year.
And sure, Jeff's English is bad, but then, it is not about the writing style. It is about standing out, trying something different, WoWing potential companies, being proactive, showing creativity, go beyond just a blog created for free in Blogspot or Wordpress (even so this is something as well!).
But then again, this is Jeff's style. He knows what he wants and he is striving to get it. Using the web is one way. I wonder if he has a personal goal plan and what other initiatives has he outlined.
So, what have you tried today to be different?
Are you reactive or proactive? Just waiting for next weekend's recruitment section in the New Straits Times or actively searching out opportunities?
(NLP in Asia)
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
mind
business coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
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