Do you read self-help books? Do you find that there is often a description about building rapport but then, you don't quite know how this goes? Would you like to build better rapport with those around you, but don't know how?
There are also plenty of recruitment and interview skills handbooks out there, but I also find that they are not always helpful. Don't you agree? I understand that the intention of the authors is to help readers in search for good answers.
Still, the question still remains - how the heck do you build good rapport? Especially, since first impressions count. Today more so than ever in an increasingly competitive environment!
Rapport by Answers.com is defined as "Relationship, especially one of mutual trust or emotional affinity." How true is that - but does it help? Not really, right?
NLP talks differently about rapport, and states that rapport is not about a relationship - it leads to it - but that rapport is the instant connection with another person mostly on at the subconscious level. Just another definition, still not helpful.
Well, let me give you some numbers - people always communicate, in fact, you cannot NOT communicate. Everything in your appearance communicates. You body, your physiology, your skin colour changes (yes, they change constantly!!), your words and the way you say those.
There was a research done, a longer time back by someone called Birdwhistle or so (others say that there was someone starting with an M, who established the findings earlier), that states the following:
During a communication, what you communicate via words makes up only 7% of the total. In contrast, 38% of our communication with others is a result of the verbal behavior - tone of voice, timbre, tempo, and volume. Overwhelmingly, 55% of our communication with others is nonverbal communication, such as body posture, breathing, skin color and our movement. Figure that!!
Remember a time when you just knew that the person in front of you wasn't telling the truth or that is was a bad time to interupt the other person because he "looked so busy"!
True, what?
So rapport relates to matching and mirroring the other person in their physiology, tonality and the words they use. Do this consciously - match and mirror people, the moment you get into touch with them - but not in a way that is too obvious, because that would be mimicking!! And hey, it is not manipulative - look around you, and see, how people that converse sit in similar positions, stand just as if they were mirroring each other, how great they feel when you talk the same language (e.g.; see how guys link up with each other, when they talk about sport!!). For me, it is like a dance with each other. In harmony. The subconscious mind is picking up the signals and says "hey, this person is just like me, I like the person." Isn't this happening all around us?
What I have done here is giving you a short breakdown on what rapport building is about and how to do it. Try it out, over the next day or two. When I conduct the training during the NLP Practitioner course (in end-January), I will explain, in much more detail, how good rapport building is done, and what goes into it (NLP teaches you the process of how to do things). But the result is that it makes you more aware of how things are done, and in the end, it makes real practitioner more successful - in interview situations, meetings, negotiations, hey, even in discos and pubs. And that is what everybody wants to be in life, more successful, right now.
(NLP in Asia)
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