The New Sunday Times runs a story today about unwanted babies. Young girls, unmarried, give birth and leave these babies anywhere, to let them die or in the hope that someone finds and takes care of them.
Others abort, illegally.
The big question asked in this article is why is this happening?
Fear is mentioned in the story - social stigma, not knowing where to go.
Sex in Malaysia is still a taboo, and what and how to introduce sex education in schools is still debated. While the authorities debate, teenagers and pre-teens know about sex already. Heck, even my kid asks me, and he is eight!
If a girl gets pregnant, the sky is coming down. Not only in Asia, but all across the world. I believe that is no father or mother around who wishes their daughter gets pregnant when she is 14, 15, 16, or, may be even 20. Or, that their son is coming one evening and says that his girlfriend is pregnant. Way too young.
It can happen, nevertheless, don't be fooled. There is no way that rules and regulations, laws or whatever can prevent or separate gender from getting engaged with each other. Children and teens get to know about sex very early nowadays and if the "older generation" doesn't talk about it and educate, open and honest, without threats but with trust, then unwanted pregnancies happen. It is not possible to forbid sex, and it is clear that sex is entering children's life earlier and earlier. No judgment about this.
If it happens, trust and confidence HAS to be there. There is no other way around. The trust of the girl (but this doesn't exclude the boy) that she can go to the parents and confess to her pregnancy. That she has the trust and confidence that there is empathy, understanding, tolerance and more in the parents. Gosh, parents were not always angels when they were young either. I wasn't, for one!
Only, and only if this feelings exist will the girl be able to stand up to what happened. If it is not existing (and read this as contrasting view), and blame is prevalent, if there is the fear that she is shown the door - "what will the neighbours say?", may be if she gets beaten, then, there is the high possibility that she is trying to hide the boyfriend, that she or he engages in sex, and may be a pregnancy.
I don't believe that to leave a baby somewhere is an easy decision.
Just imagine the choices. The choice is that she either has to go to her parents and confess to pregnancy or tries to hide the pregancy, delivers the baby secretly and leaves the baby somewhere. Ask yourself: How much fear and mistrust must someone have to go for the second option?
Something terribly wrong and very, very sad is taking place here.
(NLP in Asia)
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Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
The power of suggestion: Hypnosis
Great article on hypnosis, published on August 20, 2006.
"The power of suggestion: Hypnosis
Hypnosis increasingly is used as serious therapy to help patients control pain and anxiety and alleviate symptoms.
Story by LISA LIDDANE
The Orange County Register
For a long time, hypnosis has been the Rodney Dangerfield of health care.
Yes, researchers have long been curious – even as they learn more – about the relationship of mind to body.
Still, among traditional practitioners of big-money, big-education style Western medicine, a practice used by magicians and carnival tricksters hasn't held much sway as serious therapy.
But that may be changing. A growing body of research indicates that hypnosis can help people quit smoking, blunt physical pain and decrease the symptoms of, among other things, irritable bowel syndrome. As a result, hypnosis is popping up as a health tool in places where it was once shunned.
"Hypnosis puts people in a state of hyper-relaxation," said Stephanie Buehler, a licensed clinical psychologist who uses hypnosis at the Center for Optimal Health in Irvine. "(While under hypnosis) a lot of the usual defenses are usually resolved, so that people are receptive to suggestions and more capable of incorporating them."
Researchers recently have shown what happens in the brains of people who are hypnotized. A 2005 study published in Proceedings of the National Academies showed that people under hypnosis demonstrated less activity in the part of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex – which is linked to decision-making – than did people who weren't hypnotized.
Such studies are gradually stripping hypnosis of its showbiz history and legitimizing it in medical offices and hospitals. Doctors, nurses and psychologists increasingly use hypnosis to complement standard treatments. Likewise, an increasing number of patients seek out hypnosis as an alternative to more invasive treatments or drugs.
Buehler says she's used it to help patients manage phobias, such as fear of flying.
"I can put (patients) under hypnosis and desensitize them to the entire process of getting on the plane, the plane taking off, the patients being afraid of the flight, the plane landing and the patients exiting. Under hypnosis, I can teach them to go from something they are afraid of to a safe place. I can teach them that they can have some control and that they can relax."
At Children's Hospital of Orange County in Orange, nurses and psychologists help children manage anxiety and pain with self-hypnosis, said Heather Huszti, director of training for the psychology program at CHOC.
"It's not a substitute for pain medications, but a way to help medications work better," she explained, adding that patients practicing self-hypnosis sometimes require less pain medications.
In January, CHOC will kick off a training program to expand and deepen its health-care givers' understanding and experience in hypnosis, Huszti said.
Of late, self-hypnosis has joined the ranks of the Bradley Method and Lamaze as a popular tool for women to manage the pain of childbirth.
Before getting pregnant in 2004, Cassidy Feliciano of Cypress was determined to avoid epidural anesthesia during labor and delivery. "I didn't want any drugs for me and my baby," she said. So she took hypnosis-assisted birthing classes once a week for five weeks, starting during the sixth month of her pregnancy. Every night for three months, Feliciano, 31, practiced self-hypnosis techniques.
When she went into labor, she knew how to mentally block out the pain.
"I imagined a safe place," she said. "I was sitting in the park with the baby in my arms and my husband behind me. The park is a place we went to several times for picnics before we were even pregnant. It has a lake, with ducks swimming around. I was sitting on a blanket with my knees propped up and I was cradling the baby on my lap. My husband was kneeling behind me, his hand relaxed on my shoulder. His hand was my cue to go deeper into hypnosis."
Feliciano felt calm throughout the process. "It was never really painful. I felt pressure – just pressure, even though I had a sizable tear."
After Feliciano delivered her son, she felt euphoric. "I felt so empowered that my body could do what it did and that my mind had the power over my body to create a painless childbirth."
But some people are more susceptible to hypnosis than others, says Dr. David Spiegel, a prominent hypnosis researcher and associate chairman of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University.
"There's now evidence that genetic factors play a role in hypnotizability," Spiegel said. "Some people have a certain variant of the gene involved in making the neurotransmitter dopamine." Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the brain.
Children tend to be more hypnotizable, Spiegel said. Three out of four adults can be hypnotized.
How long the effects of hypnosis last varies. When patients undergo hypnosis with a psychologist and learn self-hypnosis, they acquire tools to help themselves, Buehler said.
Those tools cease to be potent if patients use them infrequently or don't seek help when hypnosis isn't as effective.
And hypnosis doesn't work in vacuum. Buehler points out that people trying to lose weight still need to learn about proper nutrition and exercise so that hypnotic suggestions to make the right food choices can work. And people trying to quit smoking, she said, can still benefit from using a nicotine patch.
Buehler cautioned that it's important to be careful in choosing a health-care provider who is licensed to practice hypnosis. There are numerous hypnotists who can claim to treat a host of medical conditions, but may not be adequately trained to provide hypnosis, Buehler said.
The first step to finding a qualified hypnotist is to get a referral from the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis and the Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis.
Meanwhile, the research on hypnosis continues.
More than a half-dozen clinical trials sponsored by the National Institutes of Health are looking at how hypnosis can help with preparing women for childbirth, alleviating pain during cataract surgery, relieving hot flashes in breast cancer survivors, and decreasing back pain. Researchers at the University of Washington in Seattle and The Alfred hospital in Melbourne, Australia, are conducting studies to find out if virtual-reality-assisted hypnosis can reduce burn victims' anxiety and pain.
"There are studies that show that hypnosis is stronger than the placebo effect," Spiegel said. "It's not mind over matter, but mind matters."
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
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neuro linguistic programming
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executive coaching
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malaysia
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"The power of suggestion: Hypnosis
Hypnosis increasingly is used as serious therapy to help patients control pain and anxiety and alleviate symptoms.
Story by LISA LIDDANE
The Orange County Register
For a long time, hypnosis has been the Rodney Dangerfield of health care.
Yes, researchers have long been curious – even as they learn more – about the relationship of mind to body.
Still, among traditional practitioners of big-money, big-education style Western medicine, a practice used by magicians and carnival tricksters hasn't held much sway as serious therapy.
But that may be changing. A growing body of research indicates that hypnosis can help people quit smoking, blunt physical pain and decrease the symptoms of, among other things, irritable bowel syndrome. As a result, hypnosis is popping up as a health tool in places where it was once shunned.
"Hypnosis puts people in a state of hyper-relaxation," said Stephanie Buehler, a licensed clinical psychologist who uses hypnosis at the Center for Optimal Health in Irvine. "(While under hypnosis) a lot of the usual defenses are usually resolved, so that people are receptive to suggestions and more capable of incorporating them."
Researchers recently have shown what happens in the brains of people who are hypnotized. A 2005 study published in Proceedings of the National Academies showed that people under hypnosis demonstrated less activity in the part of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex – which is linked to decision-making – than did people who weren't hypnotized.
Such studies are gradually stripping hypnosis of its showbiz history and legitimizing it in medical offices and hospitals. Doctors, nurses and psychologists increasingly use hypnosis to complement standard treatments. Likewise, an increasing number of patients seek out hypnosis as an alternative to more invasive treatments or drugs.
Buehler says she's used it to help patients manage phobias, such as fear of flying.
"I can put (patients) under hypnosis and desensitize them to the entire process of getting on the plane, the plane taking off, the patients being afraid of the flight, the plane landing and the patients exiting. Under hypnosis, I can teach them to go from something they are afraid of to a safe place. I can teach them that they can have some control and that they can relax."
At Children's Hospital of Orange County in Orange, nurses and psychologists help children manage anxiety and pain with self-hypnosis, said Heather Huszti, director of training for the psychology program at CHOC.
"It's not a substitute for pain medications, but a way to help medications work better," she explained, adding that patients practicing self-hypnosis sometimes require less pain medications.
In January, CHOC will kick off a training program to expand and deepen its health-care givers' understanding and experience in hypnosis, Huszti said.
Of late, self-hypnosis has joined the ranks of the Bradley Method and Lamaze as a popular tool for women to manage the pain of childbirth.
Before getting pregnant in 2004, Cassidy Feliciano of Cypress was determined to avoid epidural anesthesia during labor and delivery. "I didn't want any drugs for me and my baby," she said. So she took hypnosis-assisted birthing classes once a week for five weeks, starting during the sixth month of her pregnancy. Every night for three months, Feliciano, 31, practiced self-hypnosis techniques.
When she went into labor, she knew how to mentally block out the pain.
"I imagined a safe place," she said. "I was sitting in the park with the baby in my arms and my husband behind me. The park is a place we went to several times for picnics before we were even pregnant. It has a lake, with ducks swimming around. I was sitting on a blanket with my knees propped up and I was cradling the baby on my lap. My husband was kneeling behind me, his hand relaxed on my shoulder. His hand was my cue to go deeper into hypnosis."
Feliciano felt calm throughout the process. "It was never really painful. I felt pressure – just pressure, even though I had a sizable tear."
After Feliciano delivered her son, she felt euphoric. "I felt so empowered that my body could do what it did and that my mind had the power over my body to create a painless childbirth."
But some people are more susceptible to hypnosis than others, says Dr. David Spiegel, a prominent hypnosis researcher and associate chairman of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University.
"There's now evidence that genetic factors play a role in hypnotizability," Spiegel said. "Some people have a certain variant of the gene involved in making the neurotransmitter dopamine." Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the brain.
Children tend to be more hypnotizable, Spiegel said. Three out of four adults can be hypnotized.
How long the effects of hypnosis last varies. When patients undergo hypnosis with a psychologist and learn self-hypnosis, they acquire tools to help themselves, Buehler said.
Those tools cease to be potent if patients use them infrequently or don't seek help when hypnosis isn't as effective.
And hypnosis doesn't work in vacuum. Buehler points out that people trying to lose weight still need to learn about proper nutrition and exercise so that hypnotic suggestions to make the right food choices can work. And people trying to quit smoking, she said, can still benefit from using a nicotine patch.
Buehler cautioned that it's important to be careful in choosing a health-care provider who is licensed to practice hypnosis. There are numerous hypnotists who can claim to treat a host of medical conditions, but may not be adequately trained to provide hypnosis, Buehler said.
The first step to finding a qualified hypnotist is to get a referral from the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis and the Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis.
Meanwhile, the research on hypnosis continues.
More than a half-dozen clinical trials sponsored by the National Institutes of Health are looking at how hypnosis can help with preparing women for childbirth, alleviating pain during cataract surgery, relieving hot flashes in breast cancer survivors, and decreasing back pain. Researchers at the University of Washington in Seattle and The Alfred hospital in Melbourne, Australia, are conducting studies to find out if virtual-reality-assisted hypnosis can reduce burn victims' anxiety and pain.
"There are studies that show that hypnosis is stronger than the placebo effect," Spiegel said. "It's not mind over matter, but mind matters."
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
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Confidence - you have it or you don't?
For some people, it is really tough standing up in front of a crowd to introduce yourself. I know the feeling myself. The butterflies flying wildly, like a stirred up hornet nest.
Worse of all is when you REALLY have to say something and then, all that comes out is stuttering and a, for you, embarrassing mumble, incoherent and rambling.
Know the feeling?
Tough, especially, when you are a small business owner, who wants to grow the business. The one I met this morning didn't say anything, didn't have to get up. But I, and others, could see the working inside of him.
What holds you back? I don't know, but I can relate to the situation.
I had it once, in a conference, a long time back in Singapore. I started to speak, and, while I was somewhat prepared, I realised, after about 3 slides, heck, this is going wrong - the moment the thought was in my mind, I froze. I looked at the audience. A second went by, and then a second. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and said - "this is going wrong, you are totally not with me, and I am losing myself. Let me go back and start again."
I did, and I performed magically. Well, at least not that bad.
Wow, it was something that I still think about, but I learnt the lessons and realised that, what I need to have is VERY good knowledge about the topic that I am talking about. Next, I need to have the confidence to present what I prepared. And then, a great attitude of what I can do.
At that time, I didn't know NLP or didn't relate to anything mind-related. Nowadays, I do know that I do have a space on my own, and I carry my circle of excellence with me.
But that is me and how I manage myself, now.
Back to this morning. I simply wonder if the guy realises that as a business man, probably successful, he has already developed something that is applicable to the rest of his life. This man build up a business, which is not easy, I tell you. He must have had the confidence to start it up and follow through. He must have believed in himself that he can manage that.
There is an easy application in NLP, called contrastive analysis, to find out, what got him started in his business life and the respective drivers or triggers, vis-a-vis what is holding him back. In a further step, the triggers that got him started will then be "transplanted" to overlap and eliminate those that hold him back - a change should start to happen then already. Okay, this is NLP 1-1 and there might be more in the person that needs to be cleared up, and there are plenty of other possibilities and ways to get him over that state, but it is a start.
But I believe that there are many out there who lack confidence and are plagued by anxiety. Not nice, is it?
(NLP in Asia)
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Worse of all is when you REALLY have to say something and then, all that comes out is stuttering and a, for you, embarrassing mumble, incoherent and rambling.
Know the feeling?
Tough, especially, when you are a small business owner, who wants to grow the business. The one I met this morning didn't say anything, didn't have to get up. But I, and others, could see the working inside of him.
What holds you back? I don't know, but I can relate to the situation.
I had it once, in a conference, a long time back in Singapore. I started to speak, and, while I was somewhat prepared, I realised, after about 3 slides, heck, this is going wrong - the moment the thought was in my mind, I froze. I looked at the audience. A second went by, and then a second. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and said - "this is going wrong, you are totally not with me, and I am losing myself. Let me go back and start again."
I did, and I performed magically. Well, at least not that bad.
Wow, it was something that I still think about, but I learnt the lessons and realised that, what I need to have is VERY good knowledge about the topic that I am talking about. Next, I need to have the confidence to present what I prepared. And then, a great attitude of what I can do.
At that time, I didn't know NLP or didn't relate to anything mind-related. Nowadays, I do know that I do have a space on my own, and I carry my circle of excellence with me.
But that is me and how I manage myself, now.
Back to this morning. I simply wonder if the guy realises that as a business man, probably successful, he has already developed something that is applicable to the rest of his life. This man build up a business, which is not easy, I tell you. He must have had the confidence to start it up and follow through. He must have believed in himself that he can manage that.
There is an easy application in NLP, called contrastive analysis, to find out, what got him started in his business life and the respective drivers or triggers, vis-a-vis what is holding him back. In a further step, the triggers that got him started will then be "transplanted" to overlap and eliminate those that hold him back - a change should start to happen then already. Okay, this is NLP 1-1 and there might be more in the person that needs to be cleared up, and there are plenty of other possibilities and ways to get him over that state, but it is a start.
But I believe that there are many out there who lack confidence and are plagued by anxiety. Not nice, is it?
(NLP in Asia)
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Monday, August 21, 2006
Bowling and life strategies
You know that you can translate the way of bowling, or how you bowl into your life strategies - or, to go a step further, into your organisation.
There were guys and girls that played bowling excellently, but who face different challenges in their life. Challenges, may be such as being stuck in their current career. Not getting along and moving forward in life and profession. For whatever reasons, may be early school dropouts, or not completing school, or completing school but not to the highest level possible. The administrators, receptionists, or those that do clerical work. May be even those at a higher level but that got stuck there for a long time already and are too lazy to move out to a new job.
Many of them played bowling so extremely well. What drove them to succeed in bowling, or in any other sport activity, for that matter?
They focused on the pins and the balls. I could see it in their body posture, in the glimmer in their eyes. The way they rolled the ball. The celebration after the strike.
There are similarities that one can think of when you translate these successes into your life. Translation into your life means to really think of what you did during your successes and then do the same stuff in your other life - thus, focus on the process and not on the context in which you operate (heavy words, I know!).
Such as:
- Be focussed on what you want and plan it out in detail. From the last step, work your way backwards (I don't need to say, write it down and take it along with you, don't I?). So, where do you focus on? On the next break, the lunch ahead, the girl- or boyfriend waiting for you? Or, really, the task at hand?;
- How do you hold your body? Is it slumped forward, taking a position of a beaten person, or someone, who is upbeat in facing the challenges of life? (hey - that makes a difference to your mind, okay!!!!) - one tip. Look upwards
- What is going on inside of you? What do you say to yourself? Good things or bad things?;
- How do you frame what you do? Is it only a game, or do you want to get better? Do you excuse yourself when you didn't get the strike, or do you find out why you didn't make it? Do you change your way of doing things, when things don't go your way?
- What do you feel, see and hear, inside of you, in your head, stomach and heart, when you start doing something;
- How do you celebrate your successes? Do you celebrate the small successes and victories - I have a strike - or only on the last, final number? I tell you, it is great to celebrate the small steps, because small victories lead to success!! No success was won over night!!!!
Now, if you succeed in one area of your life that is great. All you have to do is to observe yourself and answer those questions - and then do the magic: Translate these answers of your success in one part to other parts of your life and you know what? You will start winning. May be not tomorrow, and not the day after. But with persistency, you will get better and get into the habit of winning in your life - the life outside of sport. How is that?
(NLP in Asia)
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There were guys and girls that played bowling excellently, but who face different challenges in their life. Challenges, may be such as being stuck in their current career. Not getting along and moving forward in life and profession. For whatever reasons, may be early school dropouts, or not completing school, or completing school but not to the highest level possible. The administrators, receptionists, or those that do clerical work. May be even those at a higher level but that got stuck there for a long time already and are too lazy to move out to a new job.
Many of them played bowling so extremely well. What drove them to succeed in bowling, or in any other sport activity, for that matter?
They focused on the pins and the balls. I could see it in their body posture, in the glimmer in their eyes. The way they rolled the ball. The celebration after the strike.
There are similarities that one can think of when you translate these successes into your life. Translation into your life means to really think of what you did during your successes and then do the same stuff in your other life - thus, focus on the process and not on the context in which you operate (heavy words, I know!).
Such as:
- Be focussed on what you want and plan it out in detail. From the last step, work your way backwards (I don't need to say, write it down and take it along with you, don't I?). So, where do you focus on? On the next break, the lunch ahead, the girl- or boyfriend waiting for you? Or, really, the task at hand?;
- How do you hold your body? Is it slumped forward, taking a position of a beaten person, or someone, who is upbeat in facing the challenges of life? (hey - that makes a difference to your mind, okay!!!!) - one tip. Look upwards
- What is going on inside of you? What do you say to yourself? Good things or bad things?;
- How do you frame what you do? Is it only a game, or do you want to get better? Do you excuse yourself when you didn't get the strike, or do you find out why you didn't make it? Do you change your way of doing things, when things don't go your way?
- What do you feel, see and hear, inside of you, in your head, stomach and heart, when you start doing something;
- How do you celebrate your successes? Do you celebrate the small successes and victories - I have a strike - or only on the last, final number? I tell you, it is great to celebrate the small steps, because small victories lead to success!! No success was won over night!!!!
Now, if you succeed in one area of your life that is great. All you have to do is to observe yourself and answer those questions - and then do the magic: Translate these answers of your success in one part to other parts of your life and you know what? You will start winning. May be not tomorrow, and not the day after. But with persistency, you will get better and get into the habit of winning in your life - the life outside of sport. How is that?
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
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training
nlp malaysia
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Bowling and focus
I am not a regular bowler, even so I enjoy the game. Most of the time, I have played with luck, was happy when I got a strike, and mostly got one by luck and chance.
I hardly ever won, before that day, and that is okay, because, well, I knew I wasn't that good.
Last Friday, the company went out on a bowling competiton. We reserved about 20 lanes and it was fun.
(taken from www.tabradys.missouri.edu)
And I focused, very intensively. Focused on the point, I wanted the ball (is it called ball?) to go to. So the ball moving, rolling, and smashing into the pin that I selected. Spoke to me - and the ball - that I want to get it on that point on the track, and get to the right point.
Then I let go.
It didn't always work, of course. There were many, many players around me that were way, way better. Nevertheless, I have to say that I played my best two games. Okay, my highest score was 125 or so, but hey - for someone who never reached 100 before, that is great! And it feels real good to have a couple of great strikes in a game!
(taken from http://www.irtc.org/ftp/pub/stills/2005-12-31/bowling.jpg)
And, it simply is my belief that focus on my outcome helped.
(NLP in Asia)
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I hardly ever won, before that day, and that is okay, because, well, I knew I wasn't that good.
Last Friday, the company went out on a bowling competiton. We reserved about 20 lanes and it was fun.
(taken from www.tabradys.missouri.edu)
And I focused, very intensively. Focused on the point, I wanted the ball (is it called ball?) to go to. So the ball moving, rolling, and smashing into the pin that I selected. Spoke to me - and the ball - that I want to get it on that point on the track, and get to the right point.
Then I let go.
It didn't always work, of course. There were many, many players around me that were way, way better. Nevertheless, I have to say that I played my best two games. Okay, my highest score was 125 or so, but hey - for someone who never reached 100 before, that is great! And it feels real good to have a couple of great strikes in a game!
(taken from http://www.irtc.org/ftp/pub/stills/2005-12-31/bowling.jpg)
And, it simply is my belief that focus on my outcome helped.
(NLP in Asia)
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
If something disturbs you, it can only be you!
Now, this is hardcore NLP and language of the mind. So bear with me, but please be aware that it can also challenge your own thinking.
Let me explain:
One person, let's call him Ted, is doing something, anything, say, like ..... , okay, I make it easy - resting in the office chair. Sitting there, not doing anything, but looking into "thin air".
An executive, called Annie, walks by and says; "What's up Ted, lazy today? Nothing to do?"
Another executive, Sammy, seeing this, chips in: "No, lah, Annie, Ted is just relaxing for a while. He is so incredibly busy."
The same situation, perceived differently.
What is happening?
When I coach or give training, and explain the working of the mind to people, I ask them: "Can you do: "tryeidnduar" for me? Show to the others how you would do a "tryeidnduar"."
I get blank stares. Why? Simple because "tryeidnduar" is a word that does not exist!! Nobody taught you, and you have not thought about it, until I mention "tryeidnduar". This is important, okay!! It was not in your mind at all.
Let's now return to Ted, and his perceived laziness or busi-ness. It is the same story, you know!! If Annie wouldn't have experienced laziness in her own life, if she wouldn't be able to relate to it, she wouldn't know what to call Ted. Because she doesn't know what laziness is.
What is laziness if you have never experienced it!!
Same with Sammy - he knows that this is relaxing, because he knows how to relax.
Got it?
It is in you, it is something VERY, VERY close to you, so be careful when you label people.
In fact, do I dare to say (and I do!!):
If you call people names, offend or insult them, it is in you - may be it is you, in fact!!
If you compliment people on their behaviour, it is also in you.
When we were small, we were told that anytime, we point with the finger to someone and blame the person, at least three fingers would point back to us. Now that is a true saying.
The next time, you feel like cursing and swearing at someone, have a good laughter!! Because, as said, this feeling that goes with it is inside of you. Hahahaha.
(NLP in Asia)
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Let me explain:
One person, let's call him Ted, is doing something, anything, say, like ..... , okay, I make it easy - resting in the office chair. Sitting there, not doing anything, but looking into "thin air".
An executive, called Annie, walks by and says; "What's up Ted, lazy today? Nothing to do?"
Another executive, Sammy, seeing this, chips in: "No, lah, Annie, Ted is just relaxing for a while. He is so incredibly busy."
The same situation, perceived differently.
What is happening?
When I coach or give training, and explain the working of the mind to people, I ask them: "Can you do: "tryeidnduar" for me? Show to the others how you would do a "tryeidnduar"."
I get blank stares. Why? Simple because "tryeidnduar" is a word that does not exist!! Nobody taught you, and you have not thought about it, until I mention "tryeidnduar". This is important, okay!! It was not in your mind at all.
Let's now return to Ted, and his perceived laziness or busi-ness. It is the same story, you know!! If Annie wouldn't have experienced laziness in her own life, if she wouldn't be able to relate to it, she wouldn't know what to call Ted. Because she doesn't know what laziness is.
What is laziness if you have never experienced it!!
Same with Sammy - he knows that this is relaxing, because he knows how to relax.
Got it?
It is in you, it is something VERY, VERY close to you, so be careful when you label people.
In fact, do I dare to say (and I do!!):
If you call people names, offend or insult them, it is in you - may be it is you, in fact!!
If you compliment people on their behaviour, it is also in you.
When we were small, we were told that anytime, we point with the finger to someone and blame the person, at least three fingers would point back to us. Now that is a true saying.
The next time, you feel like cursing and swearing at someone, have a good laughter!! Because, as said, this feeling that goes with it is inside of you. Hahahaha.
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Change - it is up to you
You are responsible for your change. No one else, not even I, as your coach. My job is to ask questions and to guide you, subtly. To open your eyes for more choices available for you and create resources that lay idle inside of you. But ultimately, it is up to you to change - even if you reject my guidance.
There are some who doubt that they cannot be hypnotised. Anybody can be hypnotised, but it is up to the person to get hypnotised.
As Tad James says - "When I ask you to relax, and relax even more, breath deeply, take a deep breath in, and out and now, an even deeper breath. Now, as you relax, close your eyes, and go deeper into relaxation. Your eyes are closed, and every breath you take is taking you deeper into relaxation. Your eyes are closed and in fact, they are so close that you cannot open them. And the more you try to open them, the tigher they close, and the deeper you are in relaxation."
Who is responsible for listening and following? Not me, right? I am just giving directions. It is up to the person to follow instructions and relax, and breathe and go into a trance state. So in fact, it is us who are responsible for change as well.
As easy as that. Easily! And I only give directions, and ask questions.
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
There are some who doubt that they cannot be hypnotised. Anybody can be hypnotised, but it is up to the person to get hypnotised.
As Tad James says - "When I ask you to relax, and relax even more, breath deeply, take a deep breath in, and out and now, an even deeper breath. Now, as you relax, close your eyes, and go deeper into relaxation. Your eyes are closed, and every breath you take is taking you deeper into relaxation. Your eyes are closed and in fact, they are so close that you cannot open them. And the more you try to open them, the tigher they close, and the deeper you are in relaxation."
Who is responsible for listening and following? Not me, right? I am just giving directions. It is up to the person to follow instructions and relax, and breathe and go into a trance state. So in fact, it is us who are responsible for change as well.
As easy as that. Easily! And I only give directions, and ask questions.
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
How many times do you need to proof read a document?
I won't answer the question, but - do you actually proof read what you wrote? Or do you depend on Microsoft's word speller?
I think it is important to proof read anything send out - even a blog (something that I neglect too often). For some simple reasons.
Your mind gets used to what you have read and quickly starts to overlook obvious mistakes. You wrote it, what? Got mistakes? No lah!! Then, quickly flipping through the text, signing the letter and sending it out. Or clicking the send-buttong.
Remeber those jokes that are circulated across the web with a lot of spelling mistakes inside that say that the brain only needs to read the beginning of a word and its end to understand it? The same is true with mistakes, only that here, the brain just ignores your mistake.
What to do?
Well, have a short break in between. Don't just send, straight away. Go drink a coffee! Read the text slowly - reaaaalllll sloooooowwwwwwlllllyyyy! If you can, read it out loud to you! Have someone else read your material.
And, if you are lucky, you find the mistake that was hidden in the last line. After you proof-read the text 50 times!
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
I think it is important to proof read anything send out - even a blog (something that I neglect too often). For some simple reasons.
Your mind gets used to what you have read and quickly starts to overlook obvious mistakes. You wrote it, what? Got mistakes? No lah!! Then, quickly flipping through the text, signing the letter and sending it out. Or clicking the send-buttong.
Remeber those jokes that are circulated across the web with a lot of spelling mistakes inside that say that the brain only needs to read the beginning of a word and its end to understand it? The same is true with mistakes, only that here, the brain just ignores your mistake.
What to do?
Well, have a short break in between. Don't just send, straight away. Go drink a coffee! Read the text slowly - reaaaalllll sloooooowwwwwwlllllyyyy! If you can, read it out loud to you! Have someone else read your material.
And, if you are lucky, you find the mistake that was hidden in the last line. After you proof-read the text 50 times!
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
Monday, August 07, 2006
See value in what you do!
I have this colleague. He joined us from India a couple of months ago, came in with great energy and a lot of passion. Everything that he did was done with speed, he walked fast, and talked even faster. A real man of action, a guy that I thought I can learn something from.
His intention was to change everything - everything was too slow, to cumbersome, not really efficient. People with whom he worked made too many mistakes, were not good in what they are doing and so on and so on. To describe all his grievances would fill a page.
Now, he took the initiative and started to talk with other around him, still with full of energy.
Then, a couple of weeks back, the air went out of the balloon. Boof. His speed slowed down. He became frustrated, increasingly. He started to complain that things around him didn't matter anymore. That he is here for only two years, so his intend now is to rip down the time and leave. He is not even sure if it is okay to stay in the company. He doesn't see value anymore.
One of my favourite sayings is that "You have to be the change you want to see." When I talk to him about this he is just blaming everything around him, and asks me, how to change? It is a vicious cycle for him. He believes he can change himself, but that external events hold him back. I see him deteriorating, but he is not willing to see that he has to change first, to accept that not everybody is ready to change, when he is not seeing value.
He expects others to change first before he feels happy or energised again. Do you see the contradiction? It is like, you want to change the whole government, because you are unhappy. Cannot. You have to start with yourself first! You control your thoughts, you are the one who decides to see the negatives or the positives around you.
It is sad to see someone like him to slowly go down. May be over time, he will realise what needs to be done, and turn around. In the meantime, I can only challenge his thinking, when we have a conversation. Hoping to trigger the thought, the idea that initiates the change.
What is the message here for the rest? Well, see a value in what you do or change the way you go about it! Two real simple examples. You go to a movie and realise that it is so very boring. Do you stay and "suffer" or do you leave? My opinion? It was your decision to go, so find something that brings value to you in the movie. Some learning, any learning. Or leave before you waste your time! Or, if you buy a book and it is not what you expect. Well, there are people who like the book, otherwise, it wouldn't have been published. So find the nucket that challenges you, something that you can learn from.
If you don't find a value in what you do or purchase - change the way until it works out for you.
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
His intention was to change everything - everything was too slow, to cumbersome, not really efficient. People with whom he worked made too many mistakes, were not good in what they are doing and so on and so on. To describe all his grievances would fill a page.
Now, he took the initiative and started to talk with other around him, still with full of energy.
Then, a couple of weeks back, the air went out of the balloon. Boof. His speed slowed down. He became frustrated, increasingly. He started to complain that things around him didn't matter anymore. That he is here for only two years, so his intend now is to rip down the time and leave. He is not even sure if it is okay to stay in the company. He doesn't see value anymore.
One of my favourite sayings is that "You have to be the change you want to see." When I talk to him about this he is just blaming everything around him, and asks me, how to change? It is a vicious cycle for him. He believes he can change himself, but that external events hold him back. I see him deteriorating, but he is not willing to see that he has to change first, to accept that not everybody is ready to change, when he is not seeing value.
He expects others to change first before he feels happy or energised again. Do you see the contradiction? It is like, you want to change the whole government, because you are unhappy. Cannot. You have to start with yourself first! You control your thoughts, you are the one who decides to see the negatives or the positives around you.
It is sad to see someone like him to slowly go down. May be over time, he will realise what needs to be done, and turn around. In the meantime, I can only challenge his thinking, when we have a conversation. Hoping to trigger the thought, the idea that initiates the change.
What is the message here for the rest? Well, see a value in what you do or change the way you go about it! Two real simple examples. You go to a movie and realise that it is so very boring. Do you stay and "suffer" or do you leave? My opinion? It was your decision to go, so find something that brings value to you in the movie. Some learning, any learning. Or leave before you waste your time! Or, if you buy a book and it is not what you expect. Well, there are people who like the book, otherwise, it wouldn't have been published. So find the nucket that challenges you, something that you can learn from.
If you don't find a value in what you do or purchase - change the way until it works out for you.
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Shut up, when there is nothing to say
We talk. Endlessly. If someone is quiet for a while, we feel compelled to fill the silence. Just to say something. It makes us feel awkward to sit there and be quiet for a while, to feel and enjoy the silence. To know that the other person might need to ponder about a response.
Often, we break the silence.
Then, oftentimes, after we spoke, we regret that we said something. Our inner voice tells us - "Damn, I should have just kept my mouth shut."
Do you know what I am talking about?
In a relationship, when you know that the word you are bound to say is hurting the most. How often are we saying something then, and wooms, hell breaks lose.
In a sales environment, after the perfect presentation, you ask for the sale and the client doesn't respond immediately. Stays quiet. And quiet. The seconds seem to get longer and longer. And, suddenly, you blurr out, try to justify the price, the sale, the ANYTHING. Instead of staying quiet.
Sometimes, it is just enough to be quiet. And let silence talk. Silence is golden, sometimes at least. But, it is an art to stay quiet.
Can you recall a similar situation?
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
Often, we break the silence.
Then, oftentimes, after we spoke, we regret that we said something. Our inner voice tells us - "Damn, I should have just kept my mouth shut."
Do you know what I am talking about?
In a relationship, when you know that the word you are bound to say is hurting the most. How often are we saying something then, and wooms, hell breaks lose.
In a sales environment, after the perfect presentation, you ask for the sale and the client doesn't respond immediately. Stays quiet. And quiet. The seconds seem to get longer and longer. And, suddenly, you blurr out, try to justify the price, the sale, the ANYTHING. Instead of staying quiet.
Sometimes, it is just enough to be quiet. And let silence talk. Silence is golden, sometimes at least. But, it is an art to stay quiet.
Can you recall a similar situation?
(NLP in Asia)
leadership
nlp
neuro linguistic programming
business coaching
executive coaching
personal coaching
malaysia
hypnotherapy
hypnosis
training
nlp malaysia
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